meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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