i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
