I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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