How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
