Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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