Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
