Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
