Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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