Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
