If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
