i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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