It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
