wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
