Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This house was built for laser tag.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
