god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
