i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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