hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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