you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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