I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
