you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I touched a dick in church today
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