I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
