I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
