she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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