it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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