oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
