I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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