This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
