I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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