I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
