Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
