I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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