my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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