The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
they need to just BURY HIM!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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