Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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