he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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