people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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