I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
