That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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