I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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