so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
