Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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