U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
