I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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