So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
