I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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