I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
