Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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(813): View more from Florida

i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.

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(607): View more from New York

To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.

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(360): View more from Washington

What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

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(254): View more from Texas

By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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(863): View more from Florida

my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.

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(415): View more from California

how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped

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