no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
