But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone came in the potted fern
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
not ubering you a puppy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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