After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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