Screwed.edu
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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