3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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