dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
