Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
