well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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