Your mouth is God's brothel.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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