I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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