my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
