Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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