i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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