no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
